How to deal with people you are not friends/together with anymore?

As I promised, this is a guide how you can behave you liked a lot, but because of certain circumstances are not friends anymore.

There are two options:
- You are giving them a silent treatment to get them back.
- You are seriously done, but don't want any trouble.

You should know, what you really want and what would be best for you (two) . Don't forget to keep your dignity. Your decisions make you as a person.

So if you plan to get them back as a friend, you can try the silent treatment. Usually applied on boys, rather than on girls, especially if you go for a longer period of time. Boys tend to suffer more on a loss after a certain time and girls usually cry, shout and then get a distraction. Might also be another boy ;) (It is very stereotypical and actually meant more as a joke than a real advise.)
The silent treatment can only be applied if you already are kind of important to someone.

If you are really ready to quit a friendship in good terms:

• Be polite, say Hi-Bye. 
• Go your own way.
• Don't badmouth them. 
• Try to avoid them, don't stalk.
• Don't play mind games, this will hurt you more than your friend.
• If they try to be your friend again, think about it. It might be just for their ego. They want to be more important to you then you are to them. (Or they are serious about it, use your subjective opinion ;))

So, let's say you need something from this person. These things always happen, when you least expect/want them to happen. What can you do then?

I usually go for the "Honest, there is nothing wrong about it version." So I will just go and tell them what I need and since I have been nice to them (bullet points), I expect them to be nice too in return.

But honesty is as I think not the most clever thing to go for. Even if you are not that interested into caring too much about it, you probably have to try harder to get something from them. They gained importance after getting asked for a favor....so probably on a trip now.

What you can do instead is: Ask a friend to ask your former friend.

If they still say no or are just behaving openly like a douche. Just leave it. You won't get it anyway.

You won't get ANYTHING out of here, you are just wasting time. There was a reason you quit the friendship in the first place and this is one of the reminders.


If you quit the friendship in bad terms:

There are no rules. Go for it. Steal it. Beat him. Whatever you want, but don't get caught or hurt anybody.


Thank you for reading :D I really appreciate it! I would love to read some comments! Tell me, about your experience with best friends gone bitches. Looove a good bitch-story ;)

How to deal with the loss of a (Girl/Boy-)friend?

Classes are coming to an end, everyone is frustrated, too many misunderstandings and low tolerance...

All of these things happen to all of us every year, but it seems like this year is special...

Everyone is losing somebody, it could be a  good friend, bf, gf, father, daughter, grandparents,...it is for sure a tough time..

So how can we cope with our problems? 

I researched how to deal with losing people, after I have lost my best friend, I had for almost 2 years, starting with a dispute, ending with a silent treatments. As my sister lost her best friend, my aunt lost her child, my sister's friend lost her father and her boyfriend, and my friend lost his girlfriend and his grandmother at the same time. Everyone has lost someone  in their life! I didn't, at least I never cared about it or understood it well enough, now I did and it was pretty hard at first, I have to admit! This time I will go through the break up (girl-) friend edition. Since there is as I think a difference between death and end of relationships.

I have to say that breakups are harder to process than death, since there is something very bad always in your mind, called : HOPE.

You go through 5 stages that lead you to the final fifth one: acceptance.

1) Denial : "We are just fighting" "That's not real" "S/he will apologize" "It's not that bad", these are the things we tell ourselves. Just close your eyes and tell yourself it didn't happen. You know something is wrong and serious, but you don't want to name it. Because if you don't name it, it's not real. Be true to yourself, always. If you look back and think, I shouldn't have said this or that, you will feel sad, but if you tell the truth, there is nothing to be sorry for. This is what you think. And this will take you to what you actually are and not push you into a cave you don't fit in.

2) Anger : "It's your fault" "You are never here, when I need you!" "I wish, I would have never met you" Anger. The only thing you should try to keep in yourself. I know I told you to be honest, but this is not the time, because you are not yourself right now. You are angry, you can't do anything about it, neither can anybody else. DON'T make anything stupid! especially not in public. 

3) Bargaining : "I can do this and she can do that" "That's a nice compromise" "We can try at least" "Leave us some time to think" This part occurs between all the stages, again and again and again. You will try it as long as you can to compromise. But should you? I mean isn't there someone better for you (again it's the (girl-) friend edition, no one is expecting you to get another grandma)? Who would not just accept, but like you, the way you are? Where you don't have to do compromises just to keep them with you? I know nobody wants to hear about other people, who will treat you better, because you think this is the only person you want! This happens especially if you have been so close to someone that you didn't even think of other people. But they are there. And they might be waiting for you.

4) Depression : "I don't want to live without him" "I feel so empty" "She was the best thing I ever had"Cry. DO it as you want. But don't do it forever. You should set yourself a time limit. 

THEN YOU SHOULD: 

Go out with friends. Try to be with people all the time, to get your mind somewhere else. Don't force yourself to think: "She used to do that, He liked this too". Try to hide all the things that remind you ONLY about this person. Don't read all the letters, messages, chats you wrote. Don't listen to the music, he showed you. Find yourself new hobbies, maybe not the regular ones. Something that makes you happy, can be shopping too. Don't make eating your one and only hobby! This will make you fat -->low self esteem --> sad --> eat --> fat -- vicious circle. I think you are getting it. Work on yourself. This is the most productive time. You have a lot of space in your life now. Use it! Fill it wit
h things, you always wanted, never had time or confidence enough to do. You have been so disciplined with this and people who are disciplined can do and get wherever they want!

5) Acceptance : You will get there! Don't worry. It may take some weeks or months, but you will make there. 

You always get something from old friends. If it was a good friend, than a good memory. If it was a bad one then experience. 

You should be proud of yourself. You did something very hard and what doesn't  kill you makes you stronger. And you are. 

I hope this helped you analyzing your behavior.  I will try to write about how to behave meeting your friend and a losing someone, because of death version too.

Please comment, like and share :D Tell about your first or worst loss :) Thank you and I hope you will get through this! You are strong, never forget! :D